Reality came crashing back on the edge of a scream.

Dropping back into her body was like falling into a sea of ice, a whirlpool of pain and emotion that surged blindly around her on the vicious currents of spastic muscles. All at once, Ben was there, hands reaching hers, touching her cheek, checking eyes as they rolled away, fought the light.

“Tessa.” He breathed. She struggled against him, against the harness, quivered, mouth opening in silent, struggling motions. “Tessa! Breathe!”

Gasping against lungs already full to bursting, eyes flew open, and then she was on her side, vomiting. Ben’s hands were like cool pads against her arms, her cheek, her side, supporting her as the vestiges of the vision left her, abandoned her on the shores of a void-cold reality.

“What did you see?” Ben urged, but there were no words. He looked away as she vomited again, fought the tangles of the harness, strained against the needles wired into her very being. Sweat and shivers shook through her, pushed across skin, left her reeling, broken. Hands spasmed, and then she spun back, yanked free of Ben’s hands, clawed at the leads jutting from her skin. “Tessa!” He fumbled for the harness, tried to help her with the cables, the needles. “Wait!”

In one frantic move, She screamed, ripped the harness free, hurled it onto the floor and shot to her unsteady feet, coughing against bile, bleeding as she careened toward the wall, hands coming up flat against it. It took a force of will to center herself, to focus past dangling, sweat-soaked knots of hair and hold back the urge to vomit again, to lose herself in an eternity of vicious dry heaves. Pain flared, then throbbed dimly across burning skin as she swallowed, breathed, panted, coughed.

“Hey.” Dimitrov tried. His hand came to rest against her back, lingered lightly. She shivered, closed her eyes, swallowed again. “It’s okay now. You’re okay.”

“No.” She managed, shook her head. “No, it’s not okay.”

Ben opened his mouth to say something, but before he could find the words, she pulled away again, stumbled toward the opposite wall, eyes on the shelving, the drawers tucked up under the bed where they slept. Her hands shook as she touched them, tracked across synthpanels, yanked one of them free.

In an instant, Ben was at her side again, watching, eyes moving, confused as Tessa stared blankly at the leather jacket folded into the drawer, the scissors laying in the center of the old German flag emblazoned there, the word Deutschland faded, yellow against scuffed black. She wiped her lips, breathed. One hand reached out, caught the scissors.

“Tessa?” Ben followed her with his eyes as she stood up to her full height, stared at the silver blades in her hand. She met his eyes slowly, the ironic smile crawling across her face, the look in her eyes triggering a shiver in him, raising every hair on the back of his neck instantly.

“What are you–” He tried, but before he could finish, she was gone, flicking the bathroom light, staring into the mirror at a face smeared with blood and bile. He turned, and she smiled back at him again, that same twisted, broken smile. The scissors flashed in the mirror, opened, brushed against skin. Cold dropped into his stomach like a heavy brick.

“Tessa! Wait!”

Hands found wrists, fought, struggled– and then they were face to face, Ben’s eyes lit with concern, Tessa’s hard, steely. Between them, the scissors jutted in air like a chrome omen, a knife-edge divider that stuck, refused to move. Teeth came free of lips, bared vicious in the pause.

“Ben.” She growled. “Let. Go.”

“Not until you tell me what you saw.” He shot back, resolve clear, voice shaky. “I’m not going to let you hurt yourself.”

“Good.” She shot back, hesitated, relaxed a little. “Because I don’t plan to.”

For the first time in what seemed like an eternity, Ben breathed, tasted air, eyes only wavering slightly as he let her go. Their stares locked as hands fell away, stayed until she turned away again, caught his eyes in the mirror. Scissors clicked open, brushed across skin, scalp, bit into midnight, each stroke butchering hair. Ben stirred uncomfortably behind her, folded his arms.

“Talk to me, Tessa.”

“It’s...” She grimaced, watching the scissors as they worked, cutting edges of hair that had grown too long down to sharp, vicious edges. “We have no choice, Ben.” She locked eyes with him in the mirror again. “I have to do it. I have to go back and change the way things turn out.”

“It was bad,” he swallowed as she looked away again. “Wasn’t it?”

“Yeah.” She paused, waited, hands hesitating. “I saw Earth, Ben. I saw it burning.” Their eyes met again. “And I saw what was left of the fleet.”

Dimitrov’s mouth drifted open, but the words wouldn’t come. He couldn’t help it– beyond the shock, the fear, the utter dread, there was nothing to say. Tessa met his eyes for a moment, then looked away again. Eyes rose in the mirror as she set the scissors down and ran a hand through rough hair, watched severed bits of sweat-soaked night fall away into the sink.

“I’ve got a couple of things to nail down before I leave.” She said slowly, glanced across the bathroom at the shower. “I’ve got data to prepare, a few other things, my flight physical.”

“Your. . .” He hesitated “Your physical?”

“Yeah.” She said absently, met his eyes in the reflection again. “If I’m going to be doing this, it would be good to know if I’m going to have a hemorrhage on the way or something. I can’t imagine what kind of stresses this trip is going to put on me.” She swallowed, eyes falling back to the sink. “If there’s a problem, I need to know about it and I need to fix it or its going to be a real short trip and a real expensive waste of Navy resources.”

Ben swallowed, forced himself to nod as arms folded again. “Are you... going to be okay?”

“Yeah.” She said softly, wetting the edge of a towel and wiping at her mouth. “Yeah, I’ll be fine. Just need a shower and a change of clothes.” She looked up, met his eyes again. “Sorry about the mess. Can you cycle the floor while I’m gone?”

“Sure.” He smiled sadly, hand shaking as he reached out, squeezed her shoulder. “I– I’ll be in the officers’ mess if you need me. I’ll set the room to autocleanse itself automatically after you leave.”

Tessa swallowed, nodded, eyes somber, cold and wet as they met his in the reflection again.

“I love you, Ben.” She said softly. He nodded once, sadly, then squeezed her shoulder in response, turned away again.