Putting on her best dress uniform, Tessa took the time to check every fold and nuance, to make sure every gilded edge and point fit to the letter of protocol. Looking at herself in the mirror, the eyes that stared back were those of a younger Tessa, a Tessa that had put on her best dress uniform in preparation for meeting Captain Hilleboe and formalizing her transfer to the Von. It was a Tessa that still missed Izzy, but at that time, things had been different– she’d known that even if they didn’t end up on the same ship, they would meet again someday.
Maybe as Captains! Izzy had said. Or maybe Admirals!
Tessa closed her eyes against the thought, hands faltering at her cuffs as she finished sullenly. This time, it’s different. She pulled firmly at the edges of her uniform. This time, the only way I’m going to see Izzy again is if I end up in a body bag.
Turning, refusing to let the thought linger and fester, she crossed the room, walked past several crates of belongings she’d set aside and labeled to be shipped back to Izzy’s family. Virek had made all the necessary arrangements for Tessa’s transfer, told her that someone would be by to pick up Izzy’s things while the Von was in dock, that she shouldn’t worry about it. Reluctantly wrapping hands around the handles of the pair of duffle bags that held everything she owned, everything she didn’t want to leave behind, Tessa pulled in a deep breath, turned and gave the room one last look, one last level gaze.
This is it. She closed her eyes, exhaled shakily. When her eyes opened again, they opened with the moistness of new tears, and it was all she could do to turn away again and cross out of the room, out of the life she’d shared with Izzy, the life that had become dark, hollow and empty without her.
The hallways and corridors leading to the central docking lock were alive with activity as repair teams from both the ship and the station mingled together like the body of a single crew. Surrounded by bustling men and women in yellow jumpsuits, she skirted the busy central corridors for the narrower, less used passages that picked their way along the outer edge of the habitable sections of the ship. Picking up speed as the repair crews thinned, disseminated themselves through the Von like a dose of medical nanites injected into injured tissue, she passed only a handful of workers, most running, carrying tools and resources to distant destinations. Despite the bustle, the running and shifting through narrow corridors choked with people, most of the repair work was being done EVA by machines and greasemonkeys in suits, but there were still plenty of systems on the inside that needed pinpoint repair work or replacement, systems too damaged or remote from primary systems to repair themselves.
Nearing the lock, foot traffic slowed again, and Tessa was forced to maneuver past a lieutenant engrossed in his note ‘puter and cup of coffee as she slid carefully between a stack of nanoweave plates and the back of a technician with a plasma torch. A grav cart loaded down with a pair of ten foot long primary nutrition cartridges labeled for the Lower Mess thundered past, and then she saw it– saw her.
At the open mouth of the airlock, amid the endless flow of resources and the technicians who would put them to work, a single figure stood out like a rock against the tide, as golden and bright as if she had been fashioned purely of light and sun. Tessa blinked, swallowed, pushed forward, spoke as the sea of bodies parted for her, moved like water around them.
“Phoebe.” Tessa said quietly. No other words would come, nothing seemed appropriate. Phoebe’s eyes dropped to the deck, moved sadly, uncertain, afraid, and for a moment, Tessa felt the urge to scoop her up like a child and hug her, mess up her hair and show her that everything would be okay, that there was nothing to worry about.
Phoebe’s foot moved idly, uncertain, eyes never leaving the floor. “You... look good, LC.” She breathed.
“Thanks.” Tessa managed. There were no other words. All the farewells that cycled through her mind felt empty, hollow.
“I... didn’t come to say goodbye.” Phoebe glanced up, met Tessa’s eyes evenly, her gaze betraying only the slightest quiver. Tessa blinked, gave her a questioning look.
“I came...” Phoebe began, then looked away suddenly, unable to meet Tessa’s gaze as the fear built in her voice, the pain and tears in her eyes. Swallowing, half-gasping, she looked up again, forced herself to look her LC in the eyes. “I came to ask you to stay.”
“I...” Tessa faltered. Now, it was her turn to break the stare, to look away and try to forge ahead, try to continue. She swallowed, closed her eyes. “I can’t, Phoebe.” She looked up again, and this time there were tears in her eyes, tears that came with thoughts of all she’d lost, all that she was about to leave behind. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t...” Phoebe tried, but even as she began to take a step forward, she hesitated, stopped, unable to move, unable to close the distance between them. Tessa’s hands tightened against the handles of her duffle bags in response.
“It’s okay.” Tessa tried. “It’ll be okay.” She forced herself to look up, forced herself to meet Phoebe’s gaze. “I’m going to miss you, but you’ll be okay without me.”
“No.” Phoebe shook her head slowly. Tessa closed her eyes again, pulled in a deep, steadying breath.
“Just, try not to think about it too much, okay?” She offered, opened her eyes, managed a smile that came weak, broken. “Watch, you’ll be so busy, you’ll hardly think about me.” She breathed a tired sigh, hesitated, offered another smile. “Pheebs, you’re in line for a promotion now. You’ll be the new LC of Minerva squadron when they bring in the next group of recruits. That’s at least–”
“I don’t want Minerva squadron!” Phoebe cried out suddenly, and even as the foot traffic around them slowed, she darted forward, closed the distance between herself and the other woman, reached for her. Before Tessa could react, their lips met, and in the shock of the instant, she dropped her bags, hands hesitating, fingers flexing tensely. Losing herself in the sudden rush of emotion, Tessa closed her eyes, kissed back, kissed hard and desperately, hands going reflexively to Phoebe’s side, her back.. The taste was rough, laced with the salt of tears but familiar and sweet, a taste that brought back memories of Izzy, memories that Tessa had been all too ready to forget.
When the kiss finally ended, it felt too sudden, too soon. Phoebe pulled away almost on impulse, slipped out of Tessa’s arms and looked away again, hands knitting nervously in front of her.
“I’m sorry.” She breathed, voice coming broken, shaky. The next words came whispered, frightened and tinged with tears. “I had to...” She looked up, met Tessa’s eyes again in the pause. “I had to let you know how I feel, before...” She swallowed. “Before you go.”
Tessa smiled, the soft edges of the gentle curve coming naturally, fully. For the first time in days, she felt whole again, human. Like the first rays of dawn, Phoebe’s inner strength, the heat, the passion of her kiss had awakened something within Tessa, left her with a little piece of light that, even while it faded, filled the hole in her heart. For a moment, her smile broke to a grin– in the space of a kiss, she had found solace; she had tasted the sun.
“I won’t forget you, Phoebe.” Tessa reached out and traced Phoebe’s chin with one index finger, gently lifted it and kissed her again, softer this time, sweeter. When they broke apart again, Phoebe’s face was wet with tears, broken to ivory with the cracked edge of a smile. Tessa grinned, then hugged her suddenly, squeezing all of her love into the younger woman in their final farewell. “You’ll make a great LC.” She managed. “Better even than me, I’ll bet.”
Impossible. Phoebe thought, but the word wouldn’t come, wouldn’t pass her lips. Squeezing her eyes against the endless stream of tears, she simply nodded, hugged back, sucked in a quick, desperate breath of air. “I’m gonna miss you, LC.”
“I know.” Tessa said simply, still smiling, even as they parted again and hands found the straps of abandoned dufflebags. “I’m... gonna miss you too.”
And then she was gone, lost in the crowd as she stepped through the lock and into the station. Turning, Phoebe tried to spot her, to see her, but it was too late. Tessa had already become a part of the background, a fading specter, a breath of mist that had passed and was now gone forever. Phoebe bit her lip, fought the urge to cry again.
Goodbye, LC. Came the sad, reluctant thought. I hope you find what you’re looking for.
At the far end of a gantry deep within the station and far from the Von, an older woman, a silver-haired Admiral whose skin ran a deeper ebony even than the uniform she wore, the uniform from which the Sigel rune of Ultima Thila glinted, reached out and wrapped gnarled hands around the railing in front of her. A grin played at her face, ate at an expression that was lost somewhere between excitement and anxiety.
“Oh, she will, little one.” She said solidly, voice like the thunderous tones of a wild and untamable storm. “She will.”
“But it won’t be what she expects.”
