“I should have...”
“No, it’s my fault, I...”
“But...”
“Don’t... please...”
In her mind, Tessa saw only broken glass, the shattered remnants of a beautiful cathedral window. Izzy stood four paces from her, eyes moist but not streaming, staring, watching as Tessa pressed her face against the cool steel of a nearby bulkhead, splayed her hands across it.
“You– you’re right, Izzy.” Tessa closed her eyes, pulled in a long, resigned breath. “If someone does come along who...” She swallowed, breathed, gestured futilely. “if you... then I’d...”
“Shhh.” Izzy breathed, hands warm as they encircled Tessa’s waist, held her. For a moment, the urge to shake her off broiled up from the depths of Tessa’s chest, but she held still, held on to the bulkhead, supported by the immovable steel. Through the contact, she heard Izzy’s thoughts, heard the soft, clear attempt at comfort. Forget it, Tess. Don’t think about it.
We have to talk about it at some point. Tessa thought back, leaning forward into the bulkhead, soaking in the cool smoothness there, Izzy’s breath a hot current on her ear, chest coming up warm and soft against her back. In that moment, she felt the connection between them strongly, felt the dichotomy that they existed as when they were together– Izzy a fire to Tessa ice, Tessa the sea to Izzy’s endless sky, sky that was free and wild, endless, stretching ever on above everything that existed below.
I know. Came Izzy’s distracted reply. But...
Tessa breathed a tired sigh, let her body relax against the bulkhead. There were no thoughts, no sounds, only the dark and endless merger between sky and sea where Tessa and Izzy met in the bosom of their relationship. In the pause, she felt Izzy move against her, stir uncomfortably with something approaching unease, a lover seeking comfort and finding only thorns and folded arms instead.
“There’s something else that’s bothering you...” Izzy breathed, and the sound was tainted with a curiosity that approached the need to say something more, the need to try and help the woman she loved past some issue, some injury that lay deep and dormant, secreted so far into the depths of the psyche that it had no sound, no name. “Something deeper,” She pursed her lips in concentration. “Something besides Cordova, besides this thing that’s hanging between us.”
“There is.” Tessa said blankly.
“What is it?” Izzy asked.
“Nothing.” Came Tessa’s soft response, but she knew that in the pause flickers of terror, of sadness and confusion were leaking through the link that connected their minds in the moment. She grimaced uncontrollably, almost at the same moment that Izzy did, then added. “It’s... don’t worry about it. There are more important things...”
“Tessa.” Izzy said softly. “I love you. I’m here for you.” Tell me.
“I– had some kind of vision.” Tessa squeezed her eyes against the onset of the images, the sensations, the feelings. “I saw something, last night. I– it’s not important.”
What did you see? Came Izzy’s insistent reply.
Tessa pulled in a deep, shaky breath, shuddered against the bulkhead as her barriers dropped, gave way to the images, the memories. All at once, she broke the contact between them, turned within Izzy’s arms to face the other woman. Eyes met for an eternal second, cobalt blue staring deeply into depths of soft, rich brown. For a moment, the urge to kiss Izzy boiled up within her chest, and as the same need rose within her lover’s breast, their lips met, brushed together in the desperate contact of beaten and uncertain lovers. In the space of an eternity, they breathed together, tasted one another’s breath, felt the stirrings of life within each other. When the kiss finally ended, when their lips slipped apart, a small, haunted smile lingered on Tessa’s lips. Fingers brushed against Izzy’s arm, imparted the thoughts that rose to bloom in her lover’s mind.
Give me your hands.
Slowly, carefully, Izzy yielded, and as she did, Tessa’s hands slipped softly into hers, brought their palms into contact, strengthened the link between them through concentration and the kind of direct contact that only came like this, that only came when hands knitted together, when palms touched and the fingers wove a tapestry of strength and understanding that felt secure, unbreakable. It was like this that their connection came at its most focused, when she could use the link between them to show Izzy in the dreamhaze imagery of the mind exactly what she had seen.
This is what I saw. Tessa thought back, and in that moment, she closed her eyes and opened the floodgates to her heart, let memory flow into memory and showed Izzy everything, carried her into the pain, the intensity, the sadness, and showed her the vision of the wake, the way Phoebe broke down in tears, the look on Dimitrov’s face as he handed her the little red resin figurine wrapped in red cloth.
“You know about her boyfriend, back Earthside?”
“When you send on the package, put this in it.”
“If you tell him you found it in her room, it’ll mean a lot to him, I’m sure.”
“Clear up any doubts he might have had.”
“It’s been bothering me since last night. I–” Tessa breathed, her voice coming as a hoarse and broken noise as the vision ended. When her eyes opened, they were moist again, wet with the buds of tears triggered by the memories bound up in the vision. “I–” She paused, struck by the blind shock in Izzy’s eyes, the tears running in streamers down her cheeks. “What is– Izzy?”
“I–” Izzy choked, but there was no more sound. In the moment, Tessa moved on reflex, reached out and pulled Izzy into her arms, let her lover bury her face into her chest. Tears stained the fabric of Tessa’s uniform, soaked her shoulder and chest with a fury she’d never before seen from Izzy, never before thought she would see from Izzy. Tears of a gentle sadness rolled in minor trails from Tessa’s eyes as she managed a smile, tipped her head down toward Izzy’s hair.
Shhhhh... She comforted. It was just a vision... a dream.
It doesn’t mean anything.
